Had Enough About Conflict?

But we live with conflict every day. For example, if two vehicles approach the same intersection at the same time, whether from right angles or one behind the other, conflict occurs. Unless the drivers make correct decisions and appropriate actions, a crash may occur. The conflict is neutral. The results of the decisions and actions that are made when the conflict occurs make the difference.

Other causes of conflict:
1. Change
2. Scarce resources
3. Unresolved grief
4. Obeying God (not always popular with everyone)

Conflict is. We need to learn how to manage it in healthy ways.

The Great Debaters

A great movie, by the way!

“There is further evidence that conflict leads to better and more innovative decisions, as well as increased group productivity. It was demonstrated that among established groups, performance tended to improve more when there was conflict among members than when there was fairly close agreement. The investigators observed that when groups analyzed decisions that had been made by the individual members of that group, the average improvement among the high-conflict groups was seventy-three percent greater than that of those groups characterized by low-conflict conditions. (Hall, J. and M.S. Williams. A Comparison of Decision-Making Performances in Established and Ad-Hoc Groups. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Feb. 1966, p. 217) Other researchers have found similar results: Groups composed of members with different interests tend to produce higher quality solutions to a variety of problems than do homogeneous groups. (Hoffman, R.L. Homogeneith of Member Personality and Its Effect on Group Problem Solving. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology. Jan. 1959, pp. 27-32; Hoffman, R.L. and N.R.F. Maier. Quality and Acceptance of Problem Solutions by Members of Homogeneous and Heterogeneous Groups. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology. Mar. 1961, pp. 401-407) The preceding findings suggest that conflict in the group might be an indication of strength rather than, in the traditional view, of weakness.” (176)
- Robbins, Stephen P. 1997. Essentials of Organizational Behavior, Fifth Edition. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall

"Conflict has the marvelous effect of keeping me from becoming proud, thinking I don't need God. I'm reminded in these situations where my strength comes from--Jehovah Jireh."
- Henry, Jim, "Character Forged from Conflict," Leadership. Spring, 1998. p. 26

"Conflict needs to be mined for its nugget of truth. My ministry has been positively shaped much more by the hundreds of criticisms I've received than it has by a thousand compliments"
- Ficken, Jock E., "Shielding Your Heart from Strife," Leadership. Spring, 1998. p. 29.

Good Conflict

Very few people enjoy conflict. In fact, many, if not most, avoid conflict. Many people also avoid change, if possible. However, we are foolish to believe that growth and improvement can occur without change. We are also foolish to believe that change can occur without conflict.

For example, life on Earth requires water, so we need some form of precipitation from time to time. Rain and snow keep the land healthy. However, this requires conflict. A warm front and cold front must collide. Storms often result. But this conflict produces the needed precipitation, huh?


I hope we can learn how to manage conflict in healthy ways, not fear or avoid it.

“If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Romans 12:18)

Conflict can be good

My wife, Zoe, and I went to a play Valentines Day evening. The romantic comedy, "I do, I do!" was fun, but it was also realistic about the struggles that come with long-term relationships.

Conflict is not bad, per se. It is actually normal. And it can be an opportunity for growth and positive change.

While unresolved conflict may destroy relationships, conflict can be managed in a positive way, so that relationships can be maintained both during and after a dispute is settled.

But working through conflict can be hard work. For example, unless you can convince the other side you understand how they see it, you probably cannot explain your side to them. That requires both skill and work.

The alternative--unhealthy or broken relationships--pains me. If we avoid conflict, we avoid relationships. They go together. Struggles are normal in relationships. Good relationships require love: accepting, living with, even appreciating the peculiarities of other; and forgiving and being forgiven. I need help with that. How about you?

Can Conflict be Good?

We're snowed in. This conflicts with our schedules (but it surely is beautiful). Can conflict be good?

Hall and Williams submit, “There is further evidence that conflict leads to better and more innovative decisions, as well as increased group productivity. It was demonstrated that among established groups, performance tended to improve more when there was conflict among members than when there was fairly close agreement. The investigators observed that when groups analyzed decisions that had been made by the individual members of that group, the average improvement among the high-conflict groups was seventy-three percent greater than that of those groups characterized by low-conflict conditions. (Hall, J. and M.S. Williams. A Comparison of Decision-Making Performances in Established and Ad-Hoc Groups. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Feb. 1966, p. 217)

Other researchers have found similar results: Groups composed of members with different interests tend to produce higher quality solutions to a variety of problems than do homogeneous groups. (Hoffman, R.L. Homogeneith of Member Personality and Its Effect on Group Problem Solving. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology. Jan. 1959, pp. 27-32; Hoffman, R.L. and N.R.F. Maier. Quality and Acceptance of Problem Solutions by Members of Homogeneous and Heterogeneous Groups. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology. Mar. 1961, pp. 401-407) The preceding findings suggest that conflict in the group might be an indication of strength rather than, in the traditional view, of weakness.” (176) Robbins, Stephen P. 1997. Essentials of Organizational Behavior, Fifth Edition. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall

What do you think?

Conflict

How do you feel when you think about conflict?

Most people don't feel good. Why do most fear conflict? Why do most believe it is negative?

Two individuals from U.S. history have a different perspective:

"Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph." said Thomas Paine.

"No great advance has ever been made in science, politics, or religion, without controversy." said Lyman Beecher.

One more quotation for your consideration:
“Research studies in diverse settings confirm the functionality of conflict. Consider the following findings. A comparison of six major decisions during the administrations of four U.S. presidents found that conflict reduced the chance that group think would overpower policy decisions. The comparisons demonstrated that conformity among presidential advisers was related to poor decisions, while an atmosphere of constructive conflict and critical thinking surrounded the well-developed decisions.” (Janis, I.L. "Victims of Groupthink." Boston: Houghton Mifflin) (176)

What do you think?

Snow and Ice and Answered Prayer

I'm in Princeton, Indiana, snow-iced in - bad winter storm. Brrr. It's supposed to get worse tonight and tomorrow. I'm supposed to be teaching an intensive week-long Leadership course for D.Min. students at nearby Oakland City University. Instead I'm holed up at the Hampton Inn. Oh, shucks. Free breakfasts here. Indoor swimming pool and jacuzzi, workout room, HDTV, and plenty of good reading material. Oh, shucks. And I'm being paid for this.

The ten-week Connections that Count. Forming First-Rate Relationships online course begins Feb. 10, and I need at least a couple more students so the currently enrolled students get the full benefit of good class discussions. The course is designed to have open, vigorous discussions that enhance learning. Because of the design, introverts enter the discussions as much as the extroverts, and extroverts cannot dominate any discussion. In the process students (and professor) develop warm friendships.

So, since we're missing most of our classroom time here in Indiana, I'm negotiating with the Dean to allow my students to

• take the Connections that Count. Forming First-Rate Relationships online course (at no cost)
  
• turn in their regular homework for the Leadership course (which covered the material in the Connections course plus much more)
  
• read material that covers the remainder of the Leadership course content
  
• complete an evaluation for the Connections course in lieu of a Case Study
  
• make recommendations for the Connections course in lieu of an Integrative Paper
  

The President of the University and I had already begun a discussion about me offering the Connections course to his undergrad students. Now, I can attach the course evaluations and recommendations to a formal proposal to the President. Hey, hey, hey!

Now, I have enough students to produce the desired level of fun and meaningful discussion in the Connections course. Hooray!

Thanks, Abba!

Grief

From conflict management research and practice, I learned that unprocessed grief plays a major role in interpersonal conflict. Most of us in the USA don't know how to grieve. Grieving is a process, often a chaotic one, yet our culture expects us to get over it quickly. How many days do most companies allow off after suffering the death of a family member? How about for the death of a close friend?

Would you please take the poll?